The worst kind of sports fans. 

Disclaimer: I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. But I also don’t care much about your frown face. 

It is obvious that without sports fans there would be no sports. However, like our newly elected United States President Donald Trump would say, sports fans could use “extreme vetting”. We’ve all been at the bar before and have surveyed the crowd and seen people that make your eye twitch. It’s time to spread awareness so we can all acknowledge that if you are any of these people, please be advised, no one likes you. 

The Angry Hulk Guy

Oh. Ya know, the easily rattled roided out Brotato Chip that is fresh off of a gym selfie and a Facebook check in just for good measure. This guy is likely to bump into you at the bar rail and then look at you like it was your fault. This human also is very likely to scream at the television while banging on the bartop as if anyone on tv can actually hear them. Also. Never be around these types if your favorite team loses on a last second shot or field goal. They will likely be holding a beer mug or a rocks glass full of vodka Red Bull and could send said glass flying towards the ground in anger. Glass shards don’t feel very good being pulled out of your shins. 

The Leads Chants and Whistles Guy

Though this one is listed second, might be my least favorite. Your team is currently down in the 4th quarter and things are looking desperate and morale is low. Then to make things even worse, the sports gods continue to shit on you by inserting this guy. This human has an unlimited supply of school/team pride and will do anything to help his team win. This guy will whistle after every good play and point at the TV like he will receive a point back from their favorite player. After finishing his 5th Mountain Dew of the second half he leads a chant that gives me the same feeling of when I first heard Rebecca Black sing “FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!” A song that still haunts me to this day. I get it. You want your team to win. But my friend, I’ll rebuttal with an old high school chant of my own, “THEY. CANT. HEAR. YOU. 👏🏾👏🏾,👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾”. Go back to your mothers basement. 

The girl who just points out the obvious

Look, I appreciate girls who take an interest in sports. And I understand completely that you wanna be, “one of the guys”. I’ve never understood this desire from the much prettier sex due to the fact that us guys aren’t very interesting and outside of sports and the occasional laugh, we don’t really offer you much. However, we all know this type. The one who will see Jay Cutler throw his third interception of the day into triple coverage and let the bar rail know that wasn’t a good play or when Kris Bryant hits a grand slam looks me dead in the eyes and says “he hit the ball good there”. Now this kind of commentary would be perfectly fine if I didn’t have eyes. But fortunately, I do. But again. I appreciate a girl who will at least take an interest in sports. 

The “I have always loved this team” hipster/bandwagon fan guy

And yes I’m looking at you Chicago Blackhawks and Golden State Warriors fans. These fans likely have amazon prime accounts with the “buy with 1 click” feature programmed and ready to buy whatever apparel comes out for the hot and trendy team. This fan has been a “Blackhawks fan” their whole lives yet thinks the name “Chelios” is a type of Hot Sauce. This fan will also show up to the bar with a brand new Steph Curry jersey proclaiming their long time love for the warriors and hate for Lebron James but upon further Facebook investigation, discover a picture of them in a Lebron James Miami Heat jersey. You’re not slick friend. Lebron knows you love him. 

The “I Could Be a Coach” Guy

This guy is up there with chant guy as the worst type of sports fan. This guy is a pro Madden and 2K player and figures his video game sports knowledge translates into the real world. Well. It doesn’t. This guy will wonder why they don’t throw a streak route on 3rd and inches and doesn’t understand why shooting the 3 is never not an option. This guy also is in your ear guessing pitches during a baseball game and thinks that a 3-0 curveball in the dirt is always coming. Trust me, if you were supposed to be hired as a head coach, you wouldn’t be reading this. 

Again, I love sports fans as a whole. The before mentioned people are a necessary evil in making sports great. But, if you do see these creatures out and about, do the world a favor, and let them know they need to chiiiiiiiillllll. And then Donald Trump might not temporarily ban you. 

– Bo 

Twitter: @botilly

Being a Chicago Bears fan living in Wisconsin….

Leaving Illinois….and my love for cheese

August 1st, 2014 I became a resident of Madison Wisconsin. It was weird moving out of Illinois because I’ve spent much of my time on earth living in Rockford and Chicago. I fell in love with the city of Madison because the size of it was a happy medium between my two previous homes and the fact it’s a major sports town. Also you add the fact that people love beer and cheese here it was like god created a city specifically for me. A quick story about me to understand my love for cheese: I once got in trouble with my step mother because in the middle of the night I would sneak to the kitchen and steal Kraft singles out of my refrigerator and hide the wrappers under my mattress. Solid plan Bo. However when my step mother changed my bedsheets, probably 50 cheese wrappers spilled out onto the floor. Quite embarrassing Bo. 

A warm welcome….

I knew moving to a different state I’d meet a lot of different people with different views and ideas on things. Being the type of person I am, I welcome conversation from anyone because I love learning new things. I unfortunately didn’t take into account that moving 76.2 miles north would bring an infinite amount of hate towards everything Chicago sports. I live on the west side near the mall and my first weekend here I figured I’d go ahead and check out the new mall I would be frequenting. Being a fat kid at heart, I honestly was really interested in the foot court. I nonchalantly throw on a Chicago Bears pullover and walk out of the door. I’m now walking through the mall and the first few people I meet are wearing local Wisconsin Badgers gear and though I’m donning the Blue and Orange, acknowledge my presence with a wave and smile. “Wow! Madison has some really nice people!” I thought. Until this old lady with a walker shows up….

The crusty middle finger….

Ever inching closer towards the food court I can smell pizza, Chinese food and tacos. Anyone who knows me knows these are a few of my favorite things. I also know you just read that last sentence and thought of the song “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music. Only thing separating me from delicious food is this old lady with a walker. In my time on earth I feel old people are generally nice humans. They don’t really have any more stress because well, they are old. This lady did not fall into that category. She looked stressed as if she was trying to run away from the Italian mafia chasing her for her social security money. Yet I’ve seen sloths with more agility and quickness than her. I could sense the devastation in her eyes as teenagers and booger eating 4 year olds passed her with ease. Then, she saw me. Getting closer, I noticed under her fur jacket was a faded Brett Favre jersey. She realized my attire and was instantly so appalled I might as well have had an image of Donald Trump stabbing a cat on my chest. She then pressed paused on her race against the grim reaper, locked eyes with me, and delivered the most blind sided middle finger in the history of middle fingers. Her crusty finger had the texture of a school bus seat and looked like a pruned finger that was submerged in water for many months. Either way I was so rattled I didn’t even get food that day and just went home…are all packer fans like this?

The sit-in…

It’s now Bear/Packer week the Chicago Bears are 2-1 at this point and are on a two game winning streak. The packers were 1-2 coming off a loss to the hapless Detroit Lions. I had a good feeling about the Bears winning their third in a row. I was ready for my first Bear/Packer game in Wisconsin. So I thought anyway. 

Just like most fall sundays I threw on my Bears jersey and headed to a bar to watch the game with friends. I walked in to the bar and was disgusted by all the green and yellow inside one building. My eyes were not ready for this. As I walked they started to notice what I was wearing and I felt everyone in the bar was watching me. I sat near the front of the bar and could just feel everyones eyes behind me full of judgement. I felt like I was apart of the Greensboro sit-ins of 1960 except the people here didn’t hate the color of my skin, but the color of the clothes I was wearing. I definitely felt like I didn’t belong. I was just hoping the Bears could escape with a win. 

Of course they didn’t….

The entire game I was waiting for the Bears to win the game so I could run out of the bar screaming “Bear Down” and laughing in the faces of the Green and Yellow faithful. But the Bears didn’t have my back like I had theirs. Though is was close for the first half, the game was never in doubt and I was bombarded with chants of “Go Pack Go” and grown men fangirling everytime Wisconsin’s lord and savior Aaron Rodgers completed the simplest of passes. 

After the game finished it was as if the state of Wisconsin turned off the switch and my fellow Wisconsinites became normal humans again. People ordering drinks near me at the bar rail offered their condolences for my horrid Bears team and even offered me a few shots. Being the low-level alchi that I am, I’ve never met a shot I didn’t like. Though it’s different watching games where you’re the only Bears fan within miles, at least the people are nice here. 

…….after all, at least I have the Cubs. #FlyTheW

– Bo

Twitter: @botilly

I Don’t Even Know What I’m Talking About…

Who honestly even knows how to start these things anyway….?

Yoooooooo, and welcome to my website and first post! I hope that you don’t instantly run because you’ll immediately notice I have the writing and grammar skills of a 4th grader and am still unsure how to properly use a comma, but I promise I went to high school and college.  I also feel that previous sentence was a run on sentence but I haven’t watched School House Rock videos in a little while so f*ck it. If you don’t even know what School House Rock is then you might want to excuse yourself anyway because we probably aren’t going to get along.

It has always been a dream of mine to become a sportscaster on national TV. I grew up watching Stuart Scott (RIP… 😦 ) and instantly fell in love with the profession. Ever since I could walk, I had a ball or a bat in my hand. Judging by how uncoordinated I am now, I probably tripped over my own feet back then as a youth just as much as I did trying to hit or field a baseball in college. Even though my playing career outside of beer league softball has come to a close, my love for sports grows daily. More importantly, I simply love people. I feel in these days of texting and social media, actual face to face conversations are now underrated. It’s impossible to understand how a simple 5 minute conversation can affect someone you know or don’t know. For this reason I have decided to infuse my love of sports and people into a podcast.

The title, “Bo knows….nothing?” pays homage to the greatest athlete of all time Bo Jackson and the fact that I don’t really know everything. Because none of us do. The girl yelling touchdown at a basketball game doesn’t. The hipster Chicago Blackhawks fan googling who Patrick Kane is before posting a status saying, “Did you see Patrick Kane do that thing with the hockey stick? I’ve always loved the Blackhawks!” doesn’t. The drunk guy blabbing at my local Madison, WI bar about how Aaron Rodgers created football and cheese certainly doesn’t. All of the before mentioned people are exactly why sports is the greatest thing in the world. No matter where you come from, no matter your race, no matter your religious or political views, we have all at some point sat next to one another watching the Chicago Bears lose a “nail biting” 40 point game to the Ugg-wearing Tom Brady and the New England Patriots or at least the Super Bowl halftime show wondering if we will see another 40 year old boobie flop out. Sports are great. I hope you like my podcasts. I hope you love my blog entries. I hope I make ya laugh. If you don’t, tell me why. Otherwise I won’t care about your frown face that much. Cheers!

– Bo

Twitter: @botilly